Cherry Pop Valentine by Debbie McGowan

Author:Debbie McGowan [McGowan, Debbie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: public sex, photography, video, mm romance, happy ending, musicians, established couple
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Staying at Dan’s. I’ve booked a flight to Stockholm on Saturday evening – will arrange to have my belongings shipped once I’ve found an apartment.

That’s all it said, but I read it over and over again and then stared at the dark screen. I wanted to reply, plead with him to stay, but just like that first dinner date at his uni house, I couldn’t find the words to tell him honestly how I felt, and this time it wasn’t just a fear my imagination had concocted. He was really leaving. I’d already said I was sorry, and it wasn’t enough. What else could I do? There was no taking it back. The damage couldn’t be undone.

In my pocket, my phone vibrated, and I dismissed the call without bothering to look who it was from. It wasn’t going to be him, so whoever it was could fuck off. I finally dragged myself out of the chair and went for the piss I’d needed since Jon called. Then I switched on the shower, stripped and stood under the water, letting the tears fall.

I sobbed, unabashedly. No-one was there to hear me; it wasn’t for effect. I was truly the most miserable I had been in my entire life. If I could have turned back time…how many people had thought that very same thing? How many people had destroyed their relationship as spectacularly as I had? We’d been so perfect. Too perfect. And right at the point where the band was set to hit the big time, I’d broken it.

After however long it took to turn all of me crinkly, I scrubbed my body with Sven’s shower gel, the smell reminding me of what I was already missing so much I would gladly have chopped off all four limbs just to have him back. I couldn’t even be bothered to dry off and padded through the apartment, leaving dark drops on the wooden floors. My bleeding heart.

In the bedroom, I flopped uselessly onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling, thinking about nothing. My phone vibrated. I ignored it. It stopped and then started again. And again. I got up and turned it off. I was parched, my head was banging from dehydration, which was the first time it registered that I’d only drunk a bottle of beer since this time yesterday morning. If nothing else, I needed fluid.

I pulled on a pair of cutoff jeans and went to get a drink of water, the bitter aroma of yesterday’s coffee rank in the air. I switched off the filter machine and tipped the dregs from the pot. I shoved the two dirty mugs in the dishwasher, plodded back to the living room, sat on the couch, sipped my water…just going through the motions, trying not to think. Trying not to say if only, because it was done. No point fretting about it. I returned to my computer, closed Sven’s email so I didn’t have to look at it, and returned to my Google search.

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